jusummerhayes

Once a lawyer...

..always one.

Or so it seems.

I tried to escape its clutches in August 2010 but the fear ran riot and six years out, I succumbed and started again. 

But.

It's not me.

Then again, nothing I've ever done — and there have been labels aplenty — has ever suited me. 

So why am I still here?

The money, mostly. A little bit of enjoyment. But as for the buzz or whatever else we're supposed to experience in and at work (even WFH) has long since gone. 

(I'm not expecting a scintilla of sympathy; it's all my own fault.)

I do think though that the period outside legal practice (2010-16) was extremely beneficial. In fact, it made me realise how even something as simple as having to record every six minutes of my time robbed me of any sense of personhood or humanness. More than that I came alive to true self by dint of letting go and falling into the mystery of life.

I keep promising myself that one day I'll escape the lawyer label and be free to do my thing (it's been a long time in the making). In fact, if I now recall, I even put a stake in the 2021 ground as the year I was going to cut the Gordian Knot. We'll see. 

If I'm trying to make any point it's to tell the kids or those coming up on the rails that asking a more beautiful question about what we want to do with our lives can never be asked and investigated enough because when you get to my age it isn't just too late, it's likely to mean that of all the regrets you live with, spending your life doing the wrong thing might be the biggest of them all. 

Onwards. Forever onwards.

Blessings,

— Ju

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