jusummerhayes

Ash in my mouth

Money corrupts.

It also keeps us alive.

But, mostly,
it enables us to do what we do.

As to the ash point,
I heard Charles 'Chuck' Bowden say this when being asked about writing.
He said, and I'm paraphrasing,
that every time he did something for the money,
it always felt like ash in his mouth.

I know the feeling.

I've referred to it previously as a pair of golden handcuffs. Oh sure,
it's nice to keep the Wolf from the Door
and there's always that dreadful moralistic position, namely,
you've got a family to support (what about me?);
but, truthfully, what we actually need qua the money is:

time.

That's not a typo.

Money should give us the time to do the thing that matters most to us. 

You'll disagree, I'm sure, especially if you've grown up on a diet of media-induced, soppy adverts that proselytise that work = stuff (and all badly made) = happiness.

Crude?

You bet,
but since when did they teach you in school that there's no point to money if you're living the worst life possible or a pretty dull one at that? 

None at all. 

In fact, when you end up doing it only for the money, there's a constant interior battle and I've seen many people go their graves as angry, nihilistic people with a pile of regrets a mile f* high.

What am I saying? 

(I love that line, don't I?)

Well, unless you're retired (in which case I'd like to think you've got things sorted), isn't it time, even in or especially in the midst of this pandemic, to ask yourself why you do what do save the money? 

Yes, it's a well-trodden path — and perhaps it's the wrong Q. — but trust me, when you look back on your life you'll realise, or certainly that's my bitter-tasting experience, that you've wasted so much of it doing the wrong thing stuck as you are on the horns of the money v. life dilemma. 

And it's my fervent belief that there has to be a better way. 

What that is,
well, only time will tell.
But this year I feel the tide of despair rising up in me like I haven't felt for a long time
and it's almost a case of saying if you don't do something now, you might as well slink off back to your desultory-of-your-soul cave and continue to ply your unedifying spectacle of what you describe so loosely as a job.

Better than nothing. Possibly.

Then again...

All a bit heavy I know
but it's how the words and layout are coming out today.

Blessings, 

— Ju 

Photo by Thomas Griesbeck on Unsplash

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