“Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers.”
― Ester Buchholz
The older I get the more I crave silence.
Deep, transcendent silence.
And, it seems increasingly difficult to find in a world that's drunk on its own self-importance.
I lie down, close my eyes and feel my way into the wide, open space.
Sometimes I drift off to sleep but mostly I feel my body empty of the vicissitudes of the day in, mostly, having had to mould myself to fit into and around another unnecessary conversation.
And then there's nature.
She offers everything of my heart's desire.
I'm so lucky: I can leave my house, and allowing for the odd car or tractor, I can find myself surrounded and infused with quiet.
It's saved me on so many occasions.
When I was a child I didn't know the power of silence and often went inwards to find myself. As a result, I was labelled a sulk. Perhaps I was but I'd prefer to think it was my way of coping with another difficult situation, particularly one where I was expected to deform my soul in the name of fitting it and being a good little boy. It's no wonder I rebelled.
Why am I telling you any of this?
I've no idea.
As I keep saying, you're expressed the way you're expressed and just because I find the expression of me to find solace in quiet, doesn't mean you will or want to. You might like loud music, the company of others and to be the centre of attention. And that's beautiful but all I know is that there's only so much I can offer of myself before I need to revisit a deeper, quieter place. I don't think of it as an escape but more a reconnection with true self.
One day I might find a different way of coping with life but right now quietude is my accomplice in staying sane and not running the gauntlet of having to face Black Dog all over again.
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