jusummerhayes

Slowing down

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good morning.

Tis early — not 5 am but close to it.

Firstly, thank you to my family for making my birthday so special ❤️. 

And secondly, thank you to everyone for your kind and thoughtful wishes — online and in the cards, presents and love you gifted me ❤️. 

It means everything to me. 

Even though, as I said in yesterday's post, I find it hard to celebrate my birthday, I was able to do and everyone gave me the sort of celebration that was perfect in so many ways. In fact, by the end, I could have hugged and kissed everyone but I'm sure I'd have ended up embarrassing myself 😂 — not for the first time. 

To be loved, to be truly loved is something very special. 

Today, apart from the obligatory housework — we're all a bit behind given how busy we've been and still dealing with Brian's death — and a bit of running around (daughter #3 is working), we'll all take it slow. Very slow. Or at least I will. 

It's not that my body is in need of the rest and recuperation, but I've this sense that the expression of Ju isn't taking enough time to drink in all that's happening in my and my family's life. 

What I also need is wide-open space — Dartmoor, yes — but more than that just to sit with nature and feel her blessing. 

(It's no accident I've shared the above picture which  is a favourite vantage point and about an hour away from our house — with a brisk walk.)

Perhaps, as I've opined before, it's an age thing. You can't, as in my case, keep running around like a crazed lunatic forever. But that said, I'm still amazed how much energy I still possess. I feel blessed, as I've said so many times.

But of course, we don't will any of this. As nature, if we're expressed to put our foot on the brake — even for a few hours or days — then we will. But if we want to rip it up — JFDI and all that nonsense — then, again, we will. Sometimes though we don't pay enough attention to what our life is truly saying, particularly when we're hurting. When I think back to my biggest losses, I see now that my automatic reaction, from years and years of training myself this way, was to saddle up ye-old grist and perseverance steed and get right on back my 'doing it, doing it, doing it' game. It worked to a point but I do wonder, wistfully and reverently, if I'd have been better off taking some time out, slowing down, finding a wide-open space and sitting with whatever was showing up. I don't mean a retreat — I'm not sure I understand the idea — but to find myself in a way that might have shed more light on the inner terrain.

But, hey, that was then, this is now.

Right now.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying I need to or should have reordered my life — as if it could be or might have been any different — but I've this nagging sense that I'm too wired to do and not to be. Actually, it's not a nagging sense. It's true, true on so many fronts. My default position is always to bury myself in work. Perhaps that's just the way I'm expressed but I do wish, oh by god I wish, I'd sit and sit some more, and not run myself ragged on nervous exhaustion. 

One day, perhaps. 

How about you?

Do you feel there's a space in your life not to do, to slow down and to be with everything that's arising?

I'd love to know.

Anyhow, as they say, it's that time again. I've no idea where Alfie is hiding. I don't know what it is but he doesn't seem quite so keen on these early starts as he once was.

Have a wonderful day dear readers.

Blessings and much love, Ju ❤️❤️.

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