“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu
And that's a blessing.
I've some wonderful music playing: Boozoo Bajou. A new group; I've had them on constant play all week.
Blimey, is it Thursday already?
As I sit here, fingers poised, I've got Brian very much on my mind. The Order of Service with his picture on the front stares back at me. There's a glint in his eye which is a mix of indifference to a world drunk on in its own self-importance and the need to create a bit more chaos.
Love you BTP ❤️.
But for Brian, as for us all, sooner or later we've to learn or be schooled in letting go.
Our health, our dreams, desires and drivers but most especially of all, the need to be someone or something. At least (as I keep saying — sorry, dear readers) that's what it's been like for me.
Or perhaps, better said, a series of natural endings.
In the beginning, I wanted this, then that and only when I'd been brought to my knees — quite literally — did I emerge, butterfly-like, a new person, shorn (not completely) of my egoic desires, chief among those to be a partner in a law firm.
As I write those last few words, as arid as they now look, I think:
Is that it?
A life well-lived, a life of meaning, meant I wanted to be or would have been in service to a group of faux, melancholic partners who, nearly to the man (there were very few women on my watch), couldn't have cared one jot about their fellow employees — or at least that's my experience; there are always exceptions.
It now looks so stupid.
The truth is, I don't know what a higher purpose life means, lest still how to live it all body, mind and spirit but making lots of money, unless you're going to give it all away (I'm not sure I buy the raison d'etre), doesn't rank particularly high if you ask me. In fact, it looks like no purpose at all but instead an ego trip of epic proportion.
Again, I'm drawn back to that wonderful passage from Rilke's book, Letters To A Young Poet:
You are so young, you have not even begun, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything that is unsolved in your heart and to try to cherish the questions themselves, like closed rooms and like books written in a very strange tongue. Do not search now for the answers which cannot be given you because you could not live them. It is a matter of living everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, one distant day live right into the answer.
I wonder now if rather than seeing life as something to be conquered, I should have crafted and been prepared for all time to live in the most exulted question I could conceive?
Still, there's time — not as much as I'd like but there's still enough to notice that all things fade eventually, but I can still, if I'm so expressed, find something beyond the reach of my current experience to keep me entertained for the rest of my days. I'd like to think it will be in the creative department but then again, it might be something very different?
Perhaps, though, it's simply a case of noticing when it's time to let go of the emotion and baggage that comes with holding fast to a dream or desire that does not serve our souls.
If I look at Brian's life, he was forced to let go of nearly everything come the end. It didn't diminish him. No, in fact, he grew stronger in spirit, wisdom and grace. I think we could all learn from that.
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