The games we play
“Life games reflect life aims. And the games men choose to play indicate not only their type but also their level of inner development”
― Robert S. de Ropp, The Master Game: Pathways to Higher Consciousness
Tis Sunday — a day of rest.
Funny that: I was awake at 4.40 am on the dot — hey, but at least I slept all night.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day at my father-in-law's. I don't feel able to share the detail but he's very close to death and, at least when I last saw him, very peaceful.
Before going over to see him and as part of my daily walk with Alfie, I stopped at an old gate overlooking the village to say a short prayer for Brian. In that moment, all I could feel was an abiding sense of love — deep, abiding love — and I felt blessed to have known him; and to have had his blessing, all those years ago, to marry his daughter and, then, be enveloped and held by him and his amazing family.
It's no accident that The Master Game — de Ropp's extraordinary work — found me this morning.
I'm not making this up but as soon as I woke up and went to share a quote on Instagram and Facebook, his words gently came into view.
Well, as the quote above makes it clear (as does the rest of the book):
Seek, above all, for a game worth playing. Such is the advice of the oracle to modern man. Having found the game, play it with intensity — play as if your life and sanity depended on it. (They do depend on it.)
What games are we/you/I playing?
Whatever your stage of life, and I don't mean this in a purely existential context, how are you spending your time? (Yes, it's all a game.)
More particularly, are you doing the thing that you feel called or compelled to do?
If not, why not?
Not the money thing!
Yes, Ju, it's pretty important to stay afloat right now, and as much as I'd like to throw caution to the wind and have a game worth playing, I can't.
And I get it.
I really do. In fact, arguably, that's where I'm at.
Although, am I?
Sure, whilst there's this pretence of me being a lawyer, as I said yesterday in a Tweet, I'm now, or at least I feel this way, a person who does legal work but not a lawyer. This isn't a case of semantics. It's true. My heart, my soul and even my time isn't interested in playing the charade that was once my life.
(I'm going to share this even though it may mean nothing to you. Yesterday on LinkedIn, I read a local law firm's press release lauding the fact that they'd had a change of management and two partners had been made full equity partners. I suspect to most people outside the profession this means nothing. To me, all I could think was: so what! The world is going to hell in a handbasket and lawyers could help to shape a more beautiful world — and that includes me — and what are they worried about? Making sure that everyone knows how important they are internal to the firm. Put it another way, the game they're playing is...perhaps it's best I don't answer that.)
But of course, that's the way I'm now expressed — all body, mind and spirit. As a creative — whatever that actually means.
I don't think that's entirely accurate. In retrospect, I've known all my life that I was called to be creative in some way or another. OK, maybe not an artist in the Van Gogh, Warhol or Bacon sense but something of my time, something using the digital tools at my disposal but if nothing else, leaning into my energy and shipping something that feels a tenderness with my soul.
Sorry, that all sounds very egotistical.
What I mean to say is that despite the fact that I qualified as a lawyer by dint of no or very little examination of who or what I was at the deepest, most profound level, nevertheless, and especially now, I've tried to make the most of my creative DNA.
You could say, in answer to de Ropp's seeking a game worth playing, that I've played the work game but it wasn't, I don't think, worth playing save to the extent that it gave me a very modest financial return for my forced labour.
Never mind. That's the past.
Now is now.
And the important thing is to keep showing up, doing something, even if it's just writing these posts. OK, perhaps it lacks ambition and it doesn't add up to a row of creative beans but, right now, it's all I've got. And, to be honest, I'm very happy that I'm still possessed of the will, desire and passion to write, no matter how they turn out.
So, the takeaway?
Well, perhaps you might like to skim read The Master Game. Better still, to keep bearing down on the interminable question "Who am I?". But even better, to follow your heart and do something, however small, in pursuit of playing the best game, creative or otherwise, that's humanly possible.
There again, who am I to tell you anything.
You'll do what you'll do but all I know is that as I see the reflection of my mortality beaming back in the eyes of my dying father-in-law, I know that time is not with us. And each day that passes without any investigation or exploration of our gifts or our genius, is another day wasted.
Blessings, and much love ❤️
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