jusummerhayes

Your life is your life

Good morning. 

I woke up at 3.40 am and got up an hour later. I did try to go back to sleep but no luck.

In case you're wondering, the title for today's post is taken from the first line of Charles Bukowski's memorable poem, The Laughing Heart. For me, the few lines that express life best are:

there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.

What's your light?

Mine appears to be what I've done these past 10 weeks: writing, drinking coffee ☕, walking, writing poetry and spending time with my wife and youngest daughter (and staying in contact with my other two children).

But that's not entirely accurate; it's too literal, in any event. 

The ethereal light is the fact that I've never given up believing that there lies something deeper in my heart than the gut-wrenching, soul-crushing disappointment of working for 40 years with no sense of connection, lest still purpose.

I'm very sanguine about the whole affair. 

How else could I be?

Angry?

Possibly, but those days are over — well and truly. 

What's the point in constantly beating myself up in trying to make sense of all my failed choices and the years lost to working for the man, and (not that it's my way) living with a gnarly heap of regrets when the time is already past?

As hackneyed as it sounds, now is now.

I'm here; I'm drinking some wonderful coffee; listening to some great music; and writing.

What more can I ask?

Remember: your life is your life. 

The trick?

Live it fully, not at a million miles an hour, trying to skid sideways into the grave (as Mr Hunter S. Thompson reputedly said) but all body, mind and soul. And that might mean doing nothing, or it might mean climbing your mountain — physical or metaphorical. In truth, it doesn't matter what you do as long as you remember that it's ending one day at a time and those things you took for granted — particularly your health — will fade eventually.

Anyhow, enjoy your day.

It's father's day in the UK. I'm not a big fan of these things but it will be nice to see and speak to my three girls at some stage today.

Blessings and much love ❤️, 

Ju.


If you're able to support my work then I've put up a 'support' page on my main website. Thank you in advance; even a small amount helps me continue to write these blogs and maintain my site.

PS. Here's a reading of The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski if you're interested.

Photo by Victor Xok on Unsplash

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