jusummerhayes

What now?

Photo by Tarik Haiga on Unsplash
Photo by Tarik Haiga on Unsplash
The Tao that can be spoken of is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name. — Tao Te Ching

This week: it's been no different to the many I've lived and worked through. 

That's life, right?

One day, one week, one month and another year is, well, much like the last.

Of course, we get excited when we find something that brings us joy — e.g. a new toy, hobby or (yes) a relationship — but nearly always the shine wears off. 

Begin, pause, repeat.

Previously, I too was caught up in a cycle of looking for the next bright thing (and I'm not saying it's always a bad thing) but no more.

I'm content with everything I've got and the things I don't have — and will probably never have. And I don't just mean material stuff but the whole kit and caboodle.

Aren't you a clever boy!

Not really. I think it comes with age; namely, it's not so much we become weary but (in my case at least) we see the world for what it is. 

What do I mean?

Well, I've more stuff than I'll ever need. I'm settled in my relationships and I'm no longer interested in or inclined to start another business.  

It sounds a lot like ennui to me.

It could be and as hard as it is to admit, I might have lost my mojo. But what does that mean? In my case, and I feel all the better for it, I've lost touch with my competitive spirit. Does that mean I'm not interested in doing a good (legal) job or serving others in whatever way I can? No, not all, but I'm no longer driven to find the Master Key through largely doing, knowing everything possible about my craft or shooting for the stars. 

To be honest, and please don't take this the wrong, morose way, if it all ended tomorrow, I wouldn't look back with any regrets — not that my pile was very big to begin with. (I would have liked to have spent more time with my late grandparents, Peter and Lorna, and likewise, Adrian, my dad's brother who died aged 44 but that doesn't mean my memories are any less meaningful.)

What else should I say...about life?

Not much I don't think, particularly given what I've shared this week about being awake to the flow of everything and my connectedness to nature. To do so would seem pointless. 

Oh, one last thing. Someone asked me this week why I always seemed so calm? I was a little taken aback — in a nice way — because, previously, for those that have worked with me or even those closest to me would say I was a bit of headbanger. But that part of me has been on the wane for a while now. In fact, save for a few crossed words that my wife and I have had in recent months — come on, we're allowed a little slack having been married now for nearly 28 years — I can't remember the last time I lost the plot or ranted at the TV (not that I did much of that before). I know, no I really know, that this is good. In fact, what I've come to realise is that the less I say (silence is a wonderful tonic) the better it is for me and everyone else. I'm not trying to cultivate equanimity and kindness in my life (it just is), but that's certainly the direction of travel.

I was just about to sign off on this post and then looked down at my feet to see Alfie fast asleep (it's 5.58 am). I smiled. If only we could all be like Alfie. (This reminds me of the famous Mu Koan. A monk asked Master Chao-chou, "Has a dog the Buddha Nature or not?" Chao-chou said, "Mu!".)

That's it for today.

Have a good one.

Blessings, Ju


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