Mission critical

Who was it that said we've got to find our purpose and then go smash it?

I've no idea, but I'd love to know why we so easily buy into the narrative?

What even is (a) purpose?

Something we commit our life to achieving? 

If it is the sine qua non of life, why then isn't it taught? Duh! You can't teach purpose, surely. 


Well, judging by all the bios I read of people in the 'fix-anything' space, you'd think it was as easy as disappearing behind a mirror and remerging as a brand new person or even wearing someone else's clothes, just like my middle daughter does with her elder sibling.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that sometimes a little nudge isn't constructive in helping us to find a brand new path, but these days I'm of the school that says: we're the moved, not the mover.

And I realise that's not exactly popular — hell, it might even be my ruination — because it doesn't sell anything. 

What do I mean?

I mean: you don't will your will. Or, in less abstract terms, if you go to the root of any decision, you'll find it impossible to trace why you did one thing over another. That's not to say you'll not explain it away, but I can't tell you why I chose to leave home aged 19 and not later or at all, any more than I can explain the urge every day to write and share these posts.

In many ways, I find it deeply liberating. To others, I suspect it feels a cop-out. Instead, they want to know that by applying great gobs of willpower, grit and perseverance they can have anything they want.

Ah, knock yourself out. No, seriously. If that's the way you're expressed, give it full gas. I did...after all. I remember reading Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill, copying all manner of techniques and ideas and for a while falling into the groove of getting my shit together and appearing to have it all. But it didn't last. Worse still, I realised how stupid I'd been to write down a whole series of things that I was going to do/have without ever asking who I was spiritually, emotionally and psychologically.

Am I advocating that you don't do anything? No. Not at all. You'll do what do, go where you go, and end up where you end up but, trust me, if my experience of trying to climb the mountain of purpose is anything to go by, you'll find it no more than a mirage. Yes, it feels very real when you're ensconced in your world of doing it, doing it, doing it but the moment you stop to ask yourself the simple question "Why this as opposed to anything else?", you'll realise (I hope) there's no or any cogent answer. Yeh, it feels right but who's to say there's not something else waiting out there beyond the ken of your current lived experience?

Ah, life... What a mystery. But then again, that's why each new day is so glorious in its potential.

Have a wonderful Friday.




Photo by Benjamin Voros on Unsplash


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