“Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success.”
― Zig Ziglar

Currently, sleep, or the point just before I'm fully awake, keeps giving rise to the style and content of these posts. I don't know if that's a good thing. Perhaps I could silence the thoughts or ignore them, but, for now, it is what it is, and who am I who to argue with the Gods?

Here's the thing — with me at least!

I do a lot of talking about potentially doing something, but very little (these days) actual doing. My one and only coach said as much as long ago as 2012.

It has to stop.

But then again, as I've repeatedly said, we can't will our will. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't (at least) shut up talking about said things and just do.

I've a long list to throw my weight behind:

1. Go freelance or at least lay the groundwork for my eventual escape.

2. Start speaking publicly again.

3. Stop arguing with all and sundry — including myself (ha 🤣 f* ha🤣).

4. Sort our house — there's at least six months worth of DIY.

5. Write my book.

6. Learn to paint — at the moment I'm throwing too much paint around for no effect.

7. Get fit.

8. Stop drinking.

9. Read daily for a minimum of two hours.

10. Spend more time walking, particularly in places I've never been to before.

Now, I could go on but the above list and a few other things I'd prefer to keep to myself (for now, at least) should be where my energy is focused. Don't ask me why but it feels my energy is instead focused on not doing them. How odd: I feel I'm putting more energy into defending my inalienable right not to do 'them' than actually doing them.

Does that mean: (a) I don't want to do them, or (b) they're really not that important? I don't know. Seriously, though, I don't want to sit down and do any more naval gazing. I just want to get on with these and my life. 

I accept that sharing these few words goes against some of what I've written about apropos slowing down, taking life as it comes and not being such a stress-head. And I don't resile from anything I've previously said, but perhaps there's a quiet place where there's room for both. I mean, if I'm painting — either the house or a picture — that could be and sometimes is as meditative as 30 minutes sat on the cushion (zafu). Likewise, reading and finishing a book is a wonderful way to nourish the soul.

I suppose in the end, the only way I'll know is to follow what's coming up — to be clear there is no chooser (i.e. a homunculus) — and see what happens. I do know to be careful about this stream of thinking. It always appears when I'm relaxed and open to what is, which is a consequence of a few days off on holiday. This strong feeling of (I think I can say this) wanting to turn my life around quickly gets snuffed out on the altar of despair following a few weeks of my/our day-to-day routine. 

I do recognise the circularity with what I'm trying to articulate. 

Do/don't do... 

Perhaps, better still, I should shut the f* up and just get on with my life. 

Note to self: even the writing about my peccadillos is another way of pandering to Resistance and not doing what needs to be done.

Ah, life. What a rich and quickening experience it is.



Photo by Julentto Photography on Unsplash

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