Right now, I've two principal narratives I'm trying to square:
The capitalist ideal
To be true to who I am
You might think somewhere in the middle there's an acceptable space where, perhaps, I can still stay true to an interconnected whole, whilst, at the same time, working to a model where I exchange my labour (time) for economic gain.
But I can't.
It's not that I don't enjoy what I do -- I care deeply about making a difference -- but I find it hard to talk about things like vision, mission, purpose, money and the like without, at the same time, inviting people to consider a more socially responsible and interconnected way of living out their lives (privately and professionally).
I know that my journey with social media hasn't helped, not least the fact that the conversation is stuck in one paradigm, and hasn't moved. Trust me, it's one thing to look at another gorgeous landscape on Instagram, but something entirely different to look at pictures of the world's degradation, human suffering and war. To my mind, that's where social media really has a part to play -- to shine a light on the most pressing issues of our time, and to ignite a spark among the rich Western elite to do something.
Right now, I'm not sure what the future holds. If I envisage doing anything it's doing more of my own thing, speaking on social economics, spiritually and awakening to our true selves. I'd like to think I've got something to say but not if I can't persuade people of a different way to engage with their work and their true selves.
Of course, this message is hardly new, and, in many ways, is no more than an amalgam of what I've read and watched; but I know in my heart that I can't talk about change from a vantage point where I'm so totally immersed in the system to look anything other than hypocritical. Or worse still bark from the sidelines but do nothing to change how I live my life.
Perhaps I'm making this too complicated. As a freelance consultant I should be able to go where I please and do what I like. But you and I both know that it's never that simple. I've a set of skills and I'd be mad to throw all those away. But, then again, I'm not prepared to fall at the altar of economic necessity and compromise everything I believe in.
Anyhow, let's see what happens. If nothing else, it will give me plenty to write and talk about as I try to make sense of a story that was not of my making (the capitalist one) but one it's hard to escape from.