February 1st, 2021

QOTD

“When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.”
Mary Oliver

Once a lawyer...

..always one.

Or so it seems.

I tried to escape its clutches in August 2010 but the fear ran riot and six years out, I succumbed and started again. 

But.

It's not me.

Then again, nothing I've ever done — and there have been labels aplenty — has ever suited me. 

So why am I still here?

The money, mostly. A little bit of enjoyment. But as for the buzz or whatever else we're supposed to experience in and at work (even WFH) has long since gone. 

(I'm not expecting a scintilla of sympathy; it's all my own fault.)

I do think though that the period outside legal practice (2010-16) was extremely beneficial. In fact, it made me realise how even something as simple as having to record every six minutes of my time robbed me of any sense of personhood or humanness. More than that I came alive to true self by dint of letting go and falling into the mystery of life.

I keep promising myself that one day I'll escape the lawyer label and be free to do my thing (it's been a long time in the making). In fact, if I now recall, I even put a stake in the 2021 ground as the year I was going to cut the Gordian Knot. We'll see. 

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My tweets

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Ursula K. Le Guin

Right now, I'm reading No Time to Spare. It's a collection of her blog posts

If nothing else, it reminds me how much work I've still to do with my writing. 

She truly was an expert at the craft.

Has anyone else read it?

— Ju