December 23rd, 2020


“All of which is to say, I didn’t pay a hell of a lot of attention to grammar, and when I write it is for the love of the word, the color, like tossing paint on a canvas, and using a lot of ear and having read a bit here and there, I generally come out ok, but technically I don’t know what’s happening, nor do I care.”
Charles Bukowski, On Writing

More time

“I don’t trust the answers or the people who give me the answers. I believe in dirt and bone and flowers and fresh pasta and salsa cruda and red wine. I don’t believe in white wine; I insist on color.” ― Charles Bowden

I wonder how many of us think about how long we've got left?

I do. Not daily but pretty damn frequently. 

I'd say it's a little disturbing.

What was it I said the other day?

So much to do, so little time to do it.

And that ain't me trying to be poetic but it's my reflection on arriving at a point in my life where I feel, save (of course ❤️) for my family, I've little to show for 53 years of existential angst. Sure, I've bagged a bushel of labels — e.g. entrepreneur, lawyer, CEO (pretty BS if you ask me) and speaker — and tried on the outfits of a few of my then heroes, but no one, outside a very small group, is going to remember me or more especially my 'work' after I'm gone.

So f* what?


Should I be worried?

Not really. I mean, I won't be here to shout the odds. 

Why then am I even mentioning it, let alone troubling you to read another one of my many, oh-woe-is-me posts?

Simple. Or at least simple to say: I want my 'work' to mean more than a series of erstwhile jobs that, give or take the odd nanosecond of bliss, robbed me of my life.

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My tweets

  • Tue, 12:10: “A Few Rules For Predicting The Future – Octavia E. Butler | Common Good Collective” / HT to my good friend @patrickrhone
  • Tue, 16:07: Hard to find material on Charles Bowden but this is as good as it gets.
  • Tue, 17:10: Last piece of work done for 2020! I'm knackered and in serious need of a break. Despite the fragile state of things, the lockdown and daughter #1 not being able to get home (she's safe and well stocked for Xmas 🍷), I'm still very much looking forward to a few days off.
  • Tue, 17:20: Surely it's about time they did a vegan version of Quality Street. One thing I do miss this time of year.
  • Tue, 17:21: I've gone and downloaded a J G Ballard book for Christmas -- the Drowned World. Already a bit excited despite the gloomy title.
  • Tue, 17:32: Why do cold callers -- another one selling me investment products -- insist, with a faux smile, on asking "How are you?" When I say, "sh*t actually", it clearly doesn't follow the script!
  • Tue, 17:51: Two people for my #FF @ccohanlon and @JulianCribb. Both have been exceptionally kind to me.
  • Tue, 17:54: Why do so many podcasts die a death? This one is excellent but nothing happening for quite a few years
  • Tue, 18:01: Big up for @Riverford who I know have been working super hard to get all the veg boxes delivered. Ours arrives on Thursday. A highlight of 2020.
  • Tue, 18:17: This is what I'm listening to on @Bandcamp -- (@japan_meitei): / one for you @RyanKeebaugh @ando
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