August 1st, 2020

Tick tock

No, not that one.

But time — if you believe there is such a thing.

One day you're here, the next somewhere else. 

That's life, right!

Today I'm 53. 

And it seems a lifetime ago. 

It is.

But it's mine — all mine.

If you'd have asked me, aged 18, what my life would now have looked like, my only point of reference would have been those people around me of the same or similar age. My chief recollection: everyone was slowing down and getting ready for retirement. If not that, then a life of order and routine.

Mine isn't much different — at least I don't think so. 

Trouble is, and don't ask me why, there's still a nagging doubt that something else awaits me.


That's the sixty-four thousand dollar question and it's dogged me my entire life.

But, as I keep saying (it's hardly new...), there's only this moment. 

Right now. 

And, as I've learnt at great cost, if we're not careful, we can spend so much time planning or thinking about things that we live that life — a life of ennui mostly — and not the one that would emerge from the ashes if only we took daily, incremental steps in the direction of our putative mountain — real or imaginary.

Actually, that last paragraph is, in many ways, a crock of shit: I've no more idea what I'll be doing in the next five minutes — drink coffee, hopefully — than what I'll be doing at Christmas time — assuming I'm still here.

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