Julian Summerhayes

It's 5.04 am as I type these words.

Coffee ☕ poured.

And I'm listening to Dear Mama by Tough Rhymes.

There's an energy here but no expression beyond wanting to type these few words.

“To study the Buddha Way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things. When actualized by myriad things, your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away. No trace of enlightenment remains, and this no-trace continues endlessly.”
― Dogen

You're probably sick to death of me saying it, but we're here, and however sh*t our life, there will (I very much hope) be another day.

That said, last night, like many I've had to face, I thought of those people no longer here, particularly my uncle, Adrian; he died nearly 20 years ago, aged 43. He was quite a character — as they say, he burned bright during his brief life.

What are you doing today?

Me: same as yesterday etc. 

I'm up for it. 

But I'm keeping quiet at work — almost monk-like. 

Frankly, I don't need the attention. 

Speaks to me.

Ju.

“Whatever is destined not to happen will not happen, try as you may. Whatever is destined to happen will happen, do what you may to prevent it. This is certain. The best course, therefore, is to remain silent.”
― Ramana Maharshi

I've just renewed my domain name juliansummerhayes.com for another two years at a cost of $45.00. 

I was in two minds but, hey, why not.

I'm not sure I'll pay the nearly £500 to renew my hosting with 123.reg; I'll lose a lot (if I don't download the files) but perhaps its time to allow the old me to die and for something else to take its place. 

🙏

the flesh covers the bone

and they put a mind

in there and

sometimes a soul,

and the women break

vases against the walls

and the men drink too

much

and nobody finds the

one

but keep

looking

crawling in and out

of beds.

flesh covers

the bone and the

flesh searches

for more than

flesh.

there's no chance

at all:

we are all trapped

by a singular

fate.

nobody ever finds

the one.

the city dumps fill

the junkyards fill

the madhouses fill

the hospitals fill

the graveyards fill

nothing else

fills.

source: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/alone-with-everybody/

“I have not always chosen the safest path. I've made my mistakes, plenty of them. I sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences. But I've learned something important along the way: I've learned to heed the call of my heart. I've learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I've learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted.”
― Steve Goodier

The world is awash with advice, exhortation and instruction.

The truth is, none of it will help you.

But you know that.

Something (or is it no-thing — i.e. a formless expression of the happening of the moment?), you don't know what, is directing you. It's not always pleasant or where you think you should be going, but you're aware of its awareness.

Of course, this isn't what you want to hear. Instead, you need to hear that you can forever change your destiny even in or especially in the face of insuperable odds.

Go for it.

I don't say that lightly.

If that's the way you're expressed then please go for it.

Me. I now know that none of this matters. I'll end up where I end up, and the more I let go of the predisposition to listen to others and not that quiet sensibility that lies deepest in my being, the more I'll find and be at peace.

Love,

Ju