jusummerhayes (jusummerhayes) wrote,

Change everything

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”Rainer Maria Rilke

Is it the weather?


Is it the selfish politicians?

No, it’s me.

Having discovered yesterday a letter I sent in 1999, I’ve spent the last few hours reflecting on what I’ve actually achieved in the intervening 17 years.

Oh sure, I can be immensely proud of raising three children, but the ego part of me -- I wish it would bugger off and leave me alone -- feels melancholic that I can’t recite a few mountains climbed, good deeds done or friendships made.

In fact, the only thing it’s been chock full of is work.

Work, work, work and more of the dull as dishwater stuff.

But...it’s been of my choosing. That’s not entirely true: I could have slumped in a chair and done naff all but that’s not in my DNA. I’m of good old Protestant Stock where work is good for, no make that essential for, the bloody soul. Really? No, I mean really! Which so-and-so came up with that? If life is about anything, it’s about service, not to your deluded, half-asleep self, but something much, much higher. Yes G-d if you like but certainly not something that gives us a quick fix but is very much in the delayed gratification department.

I don’t have regrets but I do wonder what would have happened if I’d served something like nature or wildlife or a worthwhile charity. Would I feel better? I hope so. At the very least I might have changed me to accept that to be something we don’t have to acquire a bushel of faux titles.

Sorry about my existential verbiage, but I’m not feeling it today. In fact, I’m sat here in the office and it’s the last place I want to be. Even though the weather is naff, I’d much prefer to be out on my bike, speaking to people over a nice coffee or walking and exploring nature. Anywhere but perched behind a desk waiting for the day to end. Of course, it doesn’t help listening to the same EU guff as yesterday. If I’m honest, I think we’ve heard too much on the subject already. We need to get on with invoking article 50, and getting our you-know-what together. More action = more certainty = less hot air. And, as for Corbyn... What other leader would weasel their way of a serious loss of confidence by dint of the Party rules? To think that those that voted for him can think he’ll seriously challenge for the PM slot, must mean that I or them are living on another planet. Sorry everyone but which comes first, the Labour party rules or our country? It’s obvious isn’t it.

Nuff said for now.

Normal service tomorrow.


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