My tweets

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Aches and pains

“Sometimes I need
only to stand
wherever I am
to be blessed.”
Mary Oliver

I move more slowly. 

I feel more of myself
or at least I'm conscious of parts of my body
— e.g. hips, knees, neck —
that never previously got a sideways glance
less still an appreciation of their solemn, unbidden,
functioning duty.

And some things hurt — a lot.

"Ah, tis age me ol' boy."

Of course, it's only going to get worse, unless I'm off my face on morphine or whatever the hell else I can get my hands on.

The thing is, apropos of wisdom, no one talks about this stuff. I mean, you can see it in the eyes, or a stoop or the quiet desperation of dealing with pain but no one wants to fess up and say that with age, even with the best medicines in the world, you're going to be beset with aches and lots of, at times, excruciating pain.

I wonder why that it is?

Perhaps they don't want to spoil the slightly masochistic surprise or there's nothing they could say to ameliorate your daily woes.

Then again, perhaps that's the lot of the human form; to endure

I don't know.

I do know that taking time to feel your way into the pain, to take things easy and to sit with what's arising isn't just some New-Age prescription, it's absolutely necessary — or, certainly, that's my experience. 

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My tweets

  • Tue, 12:10: I had a new Charles Bukowski book arrive today -- one I'd forgotten about. Cheered me up no end. The title: what matters most is how well you walk through the fire. Seems particularly apposite right now.
  • Tue, 14:42: The environmental implications of the Brexit deal - UK Human Rights Blog
  • Wed, 06:00: “I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.” ― Mary Oliver, Owls and Other Fantasies: Poems and Essays
  • Wed, 07:00: Talking to myself / a little blog on the forgotten art of #listening
  • Wed, 11:10: Best bit of advice I got from a friend/lawyer. "You're paid to think not respond to emails in the fastest time possible." Feeling that today trying to wrestle to the ground a thorny legal point.

Talking to myself

A couple of days ago I had cause to talk to my Boss about my role.

Talk I did.

In the end, all I felt was empty, denuded of spiritual strength.

"Oh you poor soul!"

Do you ever feel like that? You know, like you're wasting your time? Worse still, whatever point you're trying to make, is lost in the midst of your emotional rawness.

[Note to self: I must remember to sit with the emotional hegemony and not think that anyone wants to hear my musings on the state of the world.]

Seriously, though, it's one of the greatest failings of our age: people not being heard. 

Not to turn what I'm saying into another bag of vacuous tricks to be sold to the highest, avaricious bidder but just imagine offering your wisdom in the listening department. No, not that type of if-I-must reframing but because you genuinely, sincerely care about the other person and what they have to say. This means, in very simple terms, hearing the other person into speech — their natural tongue if you will and not a faux diatribe. In that space, there's no agenda, no timeframe, no ulterior approach and nothing to achieve. 

But I'm dreaming, right? I mean, you only have to surf the Internet, check out the last interview you watched and everyone (or so it seems to me) has a big f* off agenda. I swear not for effect but instead because I'm irked by the cultural clash between what's being said and what the other person is listening for and they rarely coincide.

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