jusummerhayes (jusummerhayes) wrote,
jusummerhayes
jusummerhayes

Making change stick


“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ― Albert Einstein

There's no shortage of well-meaning advice on change.

In essence, it exhorts closing the gap from where we are, to where we want to be.

Easy, eh?

Prima facie it is -- at least the reading and absorption part -- but it rarely sticks.

Think about any area of your life where you've adopted best (or better) practice and imagine if the good times had kept on rolling.

Wouldn't things be different?

For me, my biggest failure has been the ability to control my temper. Yes, you might not see much of it online, but it doesn't take much to rile me into a state of fierce frustration ... with the way things are ... as opposed to the way I wish they were. (And it's infiltrated every area of my life, including my closest relationships.)

As you know, if you've read any of my material, I wish to live a more contemplative life; and that means being non-violent towards myself, those that I love, and every living thing on this planet. But holding all that together is incredibly hard. In fact, at times, it tears me apart ... particularly in the aftermath of another torrid outburst.

Again, trying to square the circle, is, as the saying goes, much easier said than done, but one thing I know for sure is that if I can tame my wild horses, not only will I walk a different, more contemplative path, but my whole world will be transformed by people being more comfortable around me and not having to wonder which 'side of the bed' I got out of this day.

You may wonder, as I often do myself, why I feel the need to open up and share things, and, in truth, I'm not sure, save to say, without reverting to another glib, self-help book quote, it's the best way I know of confronting my own demons, coming to terms with what a life well-lived looks like and, most of all, being at peace in the world. Of course, all of this is hopelessly narcissistic, but for me it's something that has helped me work through a number of issues -- mostly of the vocational type (i.e. why this role as opposed to any other?) -- and it's something that is now part of who I am.

I'd like to call in and say things are improving (on the anger front) and they are in the sense that I know I've a 'live' issue, but I've got a very long way to go not just to make sense of what the hell's going on but being able to sit with the thought/feeling and not being cast into another dark, depressingly similar vortex, which hangs over me and others for days and days.

Tags: anger, change, contemplation
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