speaker, coach, consultant

Why do we make everything so hard?

South Brent Tor

It's not a rhetorical question.

I'm deadly serious.

In yesterday's post I wrote about acceptance. I didn't just mean an acceptance of the gnarly, life-draining stuff, I also meant an acceptance of the good stuff, beyond a few glib words. Think about the typical exchange between people: "Q. How are you? A. Fine."

Really. Is that it?

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting that we walk around with a faux grin but at times we need to be much more accepting and expressive of the bliss we feel.

The more I come to acceptance of my entire situation, the more I recognise how hard I've made EVERYTHING (I don't like using capitals, but the point needs to be made). Even something like not being able to fall asleep or waking in the middle of the night used to be quite traumatic but over the past few weeks I've managed, by being more accepting that I may not go back to sleep very quickly, to drift off in a peaceful, calming way. And then if you throw into the mix all the day-to-day shenanigans that I've got to deal with with my three children (18, 16 and 11), there's more than enough opportunity to practice acceptance (trust me, I get it wrong many more times than right).

Perhaps all I'm talking about is equanimity, but, at the risk of arguing the semantics of the two words, I think acceptance goes much deeper, particularly if we can find a place in our hearts for something so powerful (I was going to talk about the discipline of acceptance -- you know... practice, drill, rehearse -- but we have to be much more open hearted for it to work).

Again, in writing these few words, I'm not asking you to do anything save perhaps to observe how at times we make things difficult for us by always pushing or pulling against the status quo. Sure, there's a hierarchy to this -- in conscience to you, I'm not asking you to accept some heinous crime being done to a family member without trying to intervene -- but I am asking you to consider what, on a day to day basis, we could simply allow to be.